and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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