Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
