i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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