Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
