you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
