you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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