Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
