Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
