Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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