It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
