sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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