eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
