Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want a musical about memes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
