I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
