we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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