the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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