Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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