It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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