Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
pop tarts are not kleenex
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
