and you said cock pushups were impossible
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
