One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
