Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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