then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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