I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are two peas in an std pod
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
