i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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