You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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