yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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