I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
