On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
