Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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