my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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