yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
