I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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