Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I would ride that face into the sunset
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
