you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
