i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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