mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
