I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
