Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
