I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
