whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
