On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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