some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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