"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
