Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
