the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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