Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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