I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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