All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
