is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
