my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
