I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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