The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
